I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
