i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
