I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
