I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
