I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize