I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
