First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
