i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize