I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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