Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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