Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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