I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
