She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
