Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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