very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
