have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
