I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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