Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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