The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am one with the molecules
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
