so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
