There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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