She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
