You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
