took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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