somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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