you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have post one night stand depression
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
