You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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