You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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