Kareoke will never be a sober sport
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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