Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm both gender and math confused
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
