Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can I color on your dick again?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
