May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
