Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize