Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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