I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
