pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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