I should be sponsored by Trojan
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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