I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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