I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
