You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I want is dick and wine.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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