Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
