hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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