I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize