I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
