I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
