Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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