I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
