Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I faked an abortion last night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
