I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
