At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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