I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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