he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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