I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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