Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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