Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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