Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
