I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
