You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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