I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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