I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
