Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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