i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
