dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
