just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
