Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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