her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
