if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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