I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
