I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
