Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
