he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
