if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
