Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
